Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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