PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
