Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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