I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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