So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
