WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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