Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
