omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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