Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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