I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
