i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
