We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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