Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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