Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
