Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hippo gnu deer
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
