My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
