I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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