i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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