ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
