we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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