I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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