Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
