It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
