I think i sorta joined a cult last night
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
