I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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