I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
