My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
