somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
