My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
