but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
