He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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