DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my shit smells like andre
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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