Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
