So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
