8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
