sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
not ubering you a puppy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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