When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
