Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
