i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
