Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
