I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
