So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm having to shit out rocks
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