she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
