I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The uberlube is also flammable
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
