Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
