After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
