I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She has the best kind of daddy issues
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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