So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
