no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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