Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
