I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
