I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
