I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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