We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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