I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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