Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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