i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
