Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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