Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it's great music for shaving your balls
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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