You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
