I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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