ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
