we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
