I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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