okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
