he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
