i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
