This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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