There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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